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Thinking No Funeral? Think Again.

Maybe you’ve said it, or thought it? “I don’t need a funeral. You can just bury me in the backyard”. That’s the male version of negating the need for a funeral. But the sentiment is not unique to men. Women just say it differently. “I don’t want you to make a fuss. I don’t need a funeral.” These folks are right. The person who died doesn’t need a funeral. They just need a legal, respectful disposal of their body. It’s the people who are left to do the work of grieving that need the support and community from a funeral.


Princess Diana, Michael Jackson, Aretha Franklin, John McCain, and most recently Kobe Bryant, didn’t need the memorials, teddy bears, or flowers. We needed them. We need to be a part of acknowledging the loss. We find comfort in being able to be a part of the service that honors their lives even when our part is just being an observer via television. We are comforted, in some measure, just by being able to observe.


It is human nature to seek community in times of trouble and in times of joy. People are pack animals. We don’t live in isolation. We touch the lives of others. We celebrate birth with family and friends. We celebrate the coming together of two people in marriage as a group. We hold each other’s hand in times of tragedy. When we express our caring feelings, it is not weakness. It’s our strength. We are human beings, we care.


Having the opportunity to express our feelings is not expected to “cure” our grief. Coming together does not provide closure. The door never really closes on the love one human being has for another. Coming together, expressing our feelings in the presence of our community, are steps in the healing process. Being able to express our feelings in a safe, accepting environment provides some measure of healing.


Grief in the early days is raw. As time passes it softens. The hard edges become rounded and we begin to find the joy we had with the one we loved in our memories. Grief is hard work. It’s a journey.


Why should anyone have to begin this journey alone?


www.ueckerwitt.com

Routine is a Life Saver

By Lee Uecker • 25 Apr, 2024
In times of stress, loss, and change, the most important coping skill is taking control of your time. You must establish a routine. Picture a fish out of water. That’s how a person feels in the midst of grief, loss, or any major life change. Without a plan they flip, flop, and ultimately flounder.

What to Expect When Your Catholic Friend Dies

By Lee Uecker • 12 Apr, 2024
Roman Catholic refers to a religious body that acknowledges the pope as its authority and the Vatican as the center of ecclesiastical unity. The Catholic Church’s position on death is as follows … From the General Introduction of the Order of Christian Funerals: “The Church intercedes on behalf of the deceased because of its confident belief that death is not the end… The Church also ministers to the sorrowing and consoles them in the funeral rites with the comforting word of God and sacrament of the eucharist.”

After the Funeral…What to Look Forward to

By Lee Uecker • 04 Jan, 2024
Sometimes the future feels bleak. For those struggling with a recent death in their family or just beaten down by the news, it can be difficult to look forward, to anticipate, to feel hopeful.

Do I Need a “Final Resting Place”?

By Lee Uecker • 04 Jan, 2024
Let’s face it everyone will have one, a final resting place that is. The questions you should be asking are where is it? Can it be found in the future should a family member want to do so? Is the final resting place protected? Is it hallowed ground? Will the place endure?

Celebrity Funerals and Ceremonies

By Lee Uecker • 04 Jan, 2024
On February 24th, twenty thousand mourners filled downtown Los Angeles' Staples Center — “the house that Kobe built” — to celebrate the lives of the 41-year-old Lakers star and his 13-year-old daughter, who were killed alongside seven others in the crash in Calabasas. With tears streaming down his face, Michael Jorden spoke about his “big brother” mentoring relationship with Kobe. Beyoncè sang KO, one of Kobe’s favorites, and his wife Vanessa bravely spoke about her daughter, her husband, and her loss.

Jewish Funeral Traditions

By Lee Uecker • 04 Jan, 2024
As we begin to learn more about religious practices outside of our own, it is sometimes surprising to find how much different faiths have in common. Mourners of all faiths understand the power of grief and the comfort of community. So, what happens when a person of the Jewish faith dies, and how can a person outside that faith support a friend or neighbor who is grieving?

What is a Celebration of Life?

By Lee Uecker • 04 Jan, 2024
Do you have to be rich or famous to have a celebration of life?

Funerals are for Saints and Sinners

By Lee Uecker • 04 Jan, 2024
These days we’re hearing a lot about life celebrations. A funeral is a ceremony for someone who has died and the survivors. A celebration of life is a funeral with a celebratory feel and it may or may not have a faith-based component. Celebrating the life of the accomplished, the kind, and the generous feels natural. It feels like something we should do.

Cooking for One …The Perfect Egg

11 Dec, 2022
The Wednesday before Thanksgiving, standing in the checkout line at the local market, a woman looked up and saw a man gazing longingly at her cart which was full of food. As he looked at the food, he said, “I should learn to cook.” As the conversation progressed, he shared that his wife had died awhile back, and he was still eating frozen dinners. He should learn to cook.

How Can We Use Pictures at a Funeral?

11 Dec, 2022
Saying good-bye to someone you love is hard. Using pictures at the funeral of the person who died is a wonderful way to help tell a life story. There are a variety of ways to use photos. Using photos that span the entire life of a person—Mom as a little girl on the farm, as a young bride, a mother, at work, and as a grandmother—just brings it all back. Pictures trigger memories and that is one of the important functions of a funeral. You want to remember the life, not just the illness or accident that ended the life. A lot of pictures may not be required to tell the story. A few pictures can be enlarged and displayed around the room. If you have a lot of pictures that your family wants to use, they can be displayed in photo frames or albums. Many funeral homes are equipped with electronics that make it possible to show photos on large screens or televisions. These video tributes can be woven into the format of the service or stand on their own for people to view at will. Ask your funeral director for ideas and how they can help you achieve your goals. Taking the time to come together and go through the family photos can be a healing process on its own. As you are putting together the photos be certain the entire family is well-represented. Everyone will enjoy seeing themselves with the family member who passed. Remember: funeral directors are helpful people. They want your family to have a good experience. Still, they may not be aware that you have an amateur film producer in the family. Be sure to share the talents that your family has at their disposal as well as your family’s vision for the use of pictures at the funeral. A good picture is worth a thousand words. By all means, use those words and bring out those pictures for the funeral. https://www.ueckerwitt.com
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